What party is we goin’ to on Oscar day? ‘Specially if she can’t get that dress from Oscar de

Its Oscar Sunday. The biggest night in entertainment hands down. Sure the Globes are a little rowdier, but they still do not compare to the Academy Awards no matter what Buzzfeed or anyone else tells you.

Having just screened Nebraska and 12 Years a Slave earlier today I have seen all of the Best Picture nominees except for one. So I could give you a breakdown who I think should win or what will win blah blah blah but that sounds about as boring as Philomena looks (that’s the one I didn’t see). Also if you do want that follow me on twitter, I’ll be posting my picks. Instead I’m going to do what I usually do: talk about exactly what I want to talk about. Sound good? Good.

“Now the tuxedos seem kinda fucked up…”

Seth Rogen’s classic line from Step Brothers can be directly applied to some of the Oscar choices in recent memory. At the time they seemed fine, but as time has passed it becomes more clear that the Academy simply got it wrong. Examples? I thought you’d never ask:

Crash. 2005 Best Picture

There’s a reason why Jack Nicholson was so shocked when he read the winner for Best Picture. Crash is a fine movie albeit a bit cliched that does not hold up too well in multiple viewings. The cast and crew weren’t even expecting to win, Ryan Flippee looked happier than he ever looked when he was with Reese Witherspoon (I guess that makes sense). All of the other nominees Brokeback Mountain, Capote, Good Night and Good Luck, and Munich are more memorable and impactful films looking back. So why did the Academy go with Crash? I really can’t even think of a real reason, maybe they just hate gay cowboys.

Jennifer Lawrence. 2013 Best Actress

I talk about this one all the time. I met Jessica Chastain while working a press junket for Zero Dark Thirty and she couldn’t have been more of a genuine, down to earth and remarkably lovely person. So sure, that makes me a little bit biased. But in this case its America’s bias towards Jennifer Lawrence that swung this award. We all know she’s one of the coolest and attractive celebrities on the planet right now and that came to the general public’s attention at the perfect time. Don’t get me wrong I really like Silver Linings Playbook but there is nothing outwardly remarkable about her performance. Jessica Chastain performance carries Zero Dark Thirty, it’s as simple as that. Plenty of talented actresses could have played the Jennifer Lawrence role and the movie wouldn’t have suffered that much. I don’t think you can say the same about Zero Dark Thirty without Chastain. The worst part? It might happen again tonight. The unilateral love for Lawrence might be enough to push her past 12 Years’ Lupita Nyong’o. Back to back Oscars for her would be about as ridiculous as the idea of Steve Nash winning back to back NBA MVPs while playing in the same era as an in their primes Shaquille O’Neal and Tim Duncan. Where’s Bill Simmons at?

The King’s Speech. 2011 Best Picture

At the time I was completely on the King’s Speech over The Social Network train. However, I recently rewatched both and can’t believe I ever felt that way. The Social Network is much more of a cinematic masterpiece than it gets credit for, and I don’t think that’s a stretch at all. The King’s Speech is just another Oscar bait movie that got overrated at the right time (like Shakespeare in Love, Driving Miss Daisy or Ordinary People to name a few), its no coincidence that Harvey Weinstein was involved. The Academy was too stuffy to give a movie about TheFacebook its biggest award and so they gave it Best Original Screenplay, which I guess is some consolation.

Well that’s all I got for now. A few passing thoughts I have going into tonight:

1. I have a sneaking suspicion that Gravity will wind up being the Best Picture even though most indications point to 12 Years a Slave. Just a feeling.

2. Do you think Jonah Hill ever thought he’d be a multiple time Academy Award nominated actor when he was filming that period blood scene in Superbad? (“Fuck me, right?”) Speaking of which does Michael Cera ever wonder where his career went so wrong in comparison? Youth in Revolt maybe?

3. A Matthew McConaughey win tonight will prove once again that a great performance can make people forget about countless bad ones. Even though Stewie Griffin wouldn’t agree.

4. How great will that McConaughey acceptance speech be?

5. Seriously. It’s going to be great, let me tell you this the older you do get the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N.

L-I-V-I-N.